Handouts Welcome, Help … Not So Much

Man shows up at the church office saying he needs help with gas money so he can get the kids to school.  Says he used to attend the church “years ago”.  I invite him in and try to engage him in conversation but he’s not interested.  “Can I get help or not?” he asks, with breath that smells like tobacco and clothes to match.

He’s in his own car, so I ask him to follow me to a nearby gas station, where I put twenty dollars in his tank and invite him to come and worship with us on Sunday.  He says he’ll be there, with his kids, and smiles in a friendly way as he drives off.

Six months later, the same guy shows up with the same story.  I almost hate to belabor the point of the smell, but it’s going to come up again.  And, for the record, I help a lot of people and some of them have had distinctive odors and some have not.  My nose doesn’t make the call of whether to help or not, but with this person it’s a detail that’s worth some comment … in a moment.

I talked to the man a bit, got no further than his need for gas to get the kids to school because the ex still isn’t paying child support.  Eventually, I ask him to follow me to the gas station and I put twenty dollars into the tank and invite him to worship with us and get the same semi-appreciative wave.  Oh well.  As stated, I—and the church where I serve—help a lot of people in this way.

As a church and as an individual, we help several people.  The family that shows up one Sunday morning saying they need some food for the kids, I ask them if they could stick around through church and then I’ll take them to get some food.  They do and I do.  The guy who’s coming through town on his way to his mother’s funeral and needs gas, we help.  Man shows up with his gas bill in hand and asking if we can help pay it, I go over to the gas company with him and pay his bill.  A couple shows up asking if there is some job they could do around the church to earn some money—they’re adamant they don’t want a handout—seemed like a godsend because we had a whole stack of tile that needed laying in the new bathroom and they know how to lay tile.  An hour later they’ve done an excellent job and won’t let me pay them—it’s their idea to go to the gas station and let me fill up their tank.  I buy them food and drinks, too, which they try to turn down.

It’s only a month later than our last encounter when the same guy from earlier calls up.  I’ve learned his name from previous “visits”.  He says his ex isn’t paying child support and he needs some food.  I invited him to church but he tells me he’s going to another church in town.  I say that’s great and tell him what time I’ll be by with food.  Right on time, I and one of the deacons show up with some grocery sacks full of staples (milk, bread, PB&J, cereal, cheese, etc.).  He opens the door and a] doesn’t invite us in and 2] we are hit by a wall cloud of tobacco smoke.  He takes the bags of food and hastily darts back inside as we invite him to church.  We can hear the lock being thrown.

Between talking to him on the phone and showing up with the food, I made a phone call.  I know the minister at the church where the man says he has been going.  I talk to the minister and he does indeed know the man.  The man came to church a couple times and always hit them up for food or gas then stopped coming to church but kept hitting them up for food or gas.

The last few times he’s called and asked for food or gas, I tell him to come to church on Sunday and, after church, we’ll set him up with what he needs.  I was worried at first that he might just show up when we’re getting out of service, but he hasn’t.  In fact, I haven’t seen him in several months except for one time when I passed him going into another ministry in town—on a weekday—where he hit them up for food and gas.

I’m not sure how to help this guy.  This is a small town and I have come to learn this man has a decent income and his house is paid for.  However, he’s spending several hundred dollars a month of that income on tobacco, which leaves him little for his gas and food needs.  [Don’t misunderstand me: I am not saying that tobacco use is, in and of itself, sinful.  However, if your choice is between feeding your family and tobacco and you choose tobacco, it’s clear to me that tobacco is your god.]

I don’t deny that this man needs help, but the help he needs, he’s not willing to accept.  Do I continue to subsidize his tobacco habit in hopes he’ll finally listen to the gospel?